Posts Tagged ‘sex’

A few days ago I bumped into an old school friend of mine….and her SON! This may not at first sound like a big deal but I had no idea she’d been pregnant, plus if I was to put everyone I knew from school in a list of ‘Most likely to breed’ she would have been way down at the bottom. I was shocked! Shocked and amazed.

There she was pushing around a person who had been INSIDE HER WOMB like it was the most normal thing in the world.

The world is very deceptive. After a number of years you return to your childhood home and everything looks the same, you’re pretty much the same (truely, I look the same as when I was at school, except I’m now a bit fatter) and when you bump into people you expect them to be the same. But no, they go and drop bombshells on you like ‘This is my son’.

I literally had to bite my tongue to stop myself yelling out a variety of increasingly insane sounding questions. I was a little incoherant with shock as it was. Here is an extract of our exchange, complete with my thought bubbles:

Schoolfriend: This is my son.

Me: Oh wow, gosh really? That’s amazing (Son, son? Oh my lord)

SF: Yeah I know.

Me: Wow, when, um, I mean when did you have it? Him! When did you have him? (Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod you actually had SEX?)

SF: 3 Months ago, I’m now on maternity leave from the *****

Me: Cool. Cool.

SF: Yeah, he was over 10 pounds when he was born. I had a caesarean in the end. I was pushing for like an hour, usually people push for like ten minutes and the baby pops out.

Me: Oh was he late?

SF: Two weeks.

Me: Wow. (You have a soooooooooooon? How, how did that happen??) What’s his name?

SF: ******

Me: Cute. (You had a person inside you?  Argh!!)

Etc. This was much the way it went for a while. I wanted to ask what it was like being pregnant and so on but as her mother was also there I refrained.

Her mother then told me off because I said I wasn’t getting married soon. Which was bizarre. I’m not sure from what angle this shocked her. Obviously I don’t compare favourably with her married, spawning daughter. She actually told me that it was ‘no good’ and ‘disgraceful’.

On a previous visit to Bristol I had been shocked to learn that this same old friend had gotten married. Who knows what she’s saving up for my next visit back. I think it has to along the lines of joining a crazy religion/cult, becoming a punk, becoming a junkie, becoming a man or similiar. It’s gonna be hard to top the baby.


Read Full Post »

Durex is doing a new sex survey! Obviously this is mainly for them to gather market research unto themselves but they have actually added interesting information to the field of sex-study in the past (more on this when I have time to find it).

For the chance to win a goody bag filled with £50 worth of Durex goods (if you’re from the UK) go here.

I just completed it and hats down the best question was:

24)  Could you be bought for sex and if so, for how much?

one of the check boxes said +’I’ll do it it for free!’. That’s not an answer fitting the question at all. If you’re doing it for free you’re not being bought. The other possible answers ranged from +a dinner to +1 million pounds and even +a years worth of my rent. Now I like to think that I’d always say no to being bought but if I’m honest I’d find it hard to turn down a wad of cash or free rent. Assuming the person buying wasn’t too disgusting.

Maybe the person writing the quiz is subtly scouting out his options. I wait for a saucy proposition via e-mail…

Another great question was:

27) What is your favourite day of the week to have sex?

Hee hee. Bless. Monday Tuesday Wednesday Sexday Friday Saturday Sunday.

Read Full Post »