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A few days ago I bumped into an old school friend of mine….and her SON! This may not at first sound like a big deal but I had no idea she’d been pregnant, plus if I was to put everyone I knew from school in a list of ‘Most likely to breed’ she would have been way down at the bottom. I was shocked! Shocked and amazed.

There she was pushing around a person who had been INSIDE HER WOMB like it was the most normal thing in the world.

The world is very deceptive. After a number of years you return to your childhood home and everything looks the same, you’re pretty much the same (truely, I look the same as when I was at school, except I’m now a bit fatter) and when you bump into people you expect them to be the same. But no, they go and drop bombshells on you like ‘This is my son’.

I literally had to bite my tongue to stop myself yelling out a variety of increasingly insane sounding questions. I was a little incoherant with shock as it was. Here is an extract of our exchange, complete with my thought bubbles:

Schoolfriend: This is my son.

Me: Oh wow, gosh really? That’s amazing (Son, son? Oh my lord)

SF: Yeah I know.

Me: Wow, when, um, I mean when did you have it? Him! When did you have him? (Ohmygodohmygodohmygodohmygod you actually had SEX?)

SF: 3 Months ago, I’m now on maternity leave from the *****

Me: Cool. Cool.

SF: Yeah, he was over 10 pounds when he was born. I had a caesarean in the end. I was pushing for like an hour, usually people push for like ten minutes and the baby pops out.

Me: Oh was he late?

SF: Two weeks.

Me: Wow. (You have a soooooooooooon? How, how did that happen??) What’s his name?

SF: ******

Me: Cute. (You had a person inside you?  Argh!!)

Etc. This was much the way it went for a while. I wanted to ask what it was like being pregnant and so on but as her mother was also there I refrained.

Her mother then told me off because I said I wasn’t getting married soon. Which was bizarre. I’m not sure from what angle this shocked her. Obviously I don’t compare favourably with her married, spawning daughter. She actually told me that it was ‘no good’ and ‘disgraceful’.

On a previous visit to Bristol I had been shocked to learn that this same old friend had gotten married. Who knows what she’s saving up for my next visit back. I think it has to along the lines of joining a crazy religion/cult, becoming a punk, becoming a junkie, becoming a man or similiar. It’s gonna be hard to top the baby.


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