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Archive for the ‘technology’ Category

I have a new phone! And it’s all shiny!

Amazingly I managed to find one that doesn’t have a camera or an MP3 player attached. The sales assistant was frankly unimpressed at my lack of ambition towards my new phone. I patiently explained that I already own both a camera and an MP3 player and that using the internet on phones is frustrating and hurts my eyes. All I want a mobile phone to do is send and recieve calls and texts. That’s it. And no I don’t want a contract because I don’t use my phone enough for it to be worth it. The poor guy was desperately looking over my shoulder for a customer more worthy of his enthusiasm about phones. Sadly for him I was the only customer in the shop.

It took me a while to hone in on my new pet. First I went to a vodaphone shop (because Dad has a vodaphone handset that just needs a new SIM) but the assistant was SO rude to me that I decided sod it I’d rather pay more money in a different shop just so he wouldn’t have my custom. He was really condescending! He actually rolled his eyes when I asked him what a ‘Freedom Pack’ was. This is some new scheme of vodaphones. You give them £10 pounds and they give you £50 worth of texts and calls. But it’s not a top up as ‘Gary’ condescendingly explained to me. Oh no. A top up is seperate, this is a ‘freedom pack’  and apparently I’m just too stupid to work that out. Twat

This is my shiny new pet. I need to name him. Suggestions anyone?

I bought him from the Carphone Warehouse. The staff were very helpful and nice, unlike Vodaphone Gary.

He was only £10 which is a bargain. I chose a ringtone called ‘Elves’ which is some kind of crescending fake flute ensemble. I colour schemed him red and chose a picture of goldfish as the background. All in all I am VERY pleased.

(Coincidently C bought the same phone the other day so I’ve been informed I have to attack mine with stickers to distinguish them, something I am very okay with.)

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C asked me this morning if I think I’ll ever get a smartphone.

I can’t get a smartphone, what if it outwits me?

I’ve seen and read faaaar too many science-fiction stories about the folly of intelligent technology. It’s a downward spiral. One minute it’ll be helping me organise my contacts and enabling me to e-mail and twitter, the next it’ll start undermining my life and I’ll end up locked in an old rusty school locker in an alley somewhere whilst it takes my place.

Ah it can recognise my voice can it (supposedly so that I can save all of 5 seconds when I’m trying to find a contact)? Well I’m sorry but that’s only a step away from mimicking my voice. I know how it’ll go – whilst I’m in the loo the phone will call everyone I know, mimic my voice and tell everyone I hate them.

Then as I’m stumbling around wondering why no-one has contacted me for a while I’ll get a ‘text’ from a ‘friend’ inviting me to a party in a place I don’t know. Of course I’ll ask the phone for directions and bam suddenly I’ll be in a dark alley, peering into the gloom. As I stride in looking for the door number all I’ll hear is a gentle electronic buzz from my pocket then the phone will launch up into my face and it’ll all be over.

I’ll suddenly ‘re-emerge’ into society and people will comment to each other “Wow Ella’s sentence structure has really improved since we last saw her, although she doesn’t seem to blink anymore”.

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