Archive for the ‘angst’ Category


Earlier I had a post about my over-use of ‘dude’. Yesterday it was made clear to me that I also waaaay overuse the word ‘awesome’. An innocent brownie shining in her blindingly fluorescent yellow asked me if it was my favourite word. Horrified I realised I’d just muttered ‘awesome’ at all of their work for the last 30 minutes. Oopsie.

On a separate note – I have finished my masters! Huzah! Hence why I am suddenly available once more. In a glut of excitement at having free time once more I have been madly theatre-going, volunteered with a brownie pack and signed up for Japanese classes. Am now a little exhausted. All this ‘doing more than one thing’ in your life is tiring. Oh, and I also have a job (ick spit).

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I can’t sleep! Argh!

I’ve been tossing and turning for about 2 hours. Finally I’ve given up and snuck online to read some articles and suchlike. Normally I’d have picked up my book and read in bed but I don’t want to disturb C anymore than my tossing already has.

I’m so tired it’s just not fair. I have too much on my mind though for sleep. I’m worrying and border-line panicing about stuff and it’s stopping me sleeeeeeeping! I’m dramatically dropping my face into my hands every few minutes as I type this. I didn’t think it would be this hard to get a job back in the UK though. I mean, it always takes me a while to find a job, but usually there’re a lot more phone calls and replies to CV sending than this. So far in fact I’ve had NO replies at all! I’ve re-drafted my CV about 5 times now and still nothing. My brain has melted into a pool of boredom at my feet with all the jobsites I’ve been trawling and e-mails I’ve been writing.

I’m being unfair. I have found one job. A weekend job. That pays minimum wage. And is only for about 7 hours a week. THAT IS NOT ENOUGH TO LIVE ON!!!!!!!!!

I need to breath, stay calm and try and clear my mind.

I think I’ll go rub lavender on stuff and see if that helps.

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Oh my God is shopping for shoes frustrating! I hate it so much. I also hate that society expects it to be my number one favourite activity. I would LOVE it if I could just open a magic door in my house and the ideal shoe would appear. With none of the endless wandering around trying on things fiasco. Is there anything more boring than trying on shoes? No. I can say that with the absolute certainty of someone who spent 6 hours the other day watching other people write exams.

My problem is that I have very small and narrow feet. I also have high expectations of a shoe. I don’t want heels, and I don’t want it to rub away all the skin on my feet. That may not sound like much but it’s very hard to fulfil.

I need black shoes for work. Sigh. Also trousers (I seem to be continuously buying black trousers, because I get rid of them gleefully after each job,  forgetting in the moment that eventually I will have a new job and a new need for black trousers). I found some of those in the very first shop I went in.  It just happened to be a British Heart Foundation shop and only cost £4.30. Ah ha! Second-hand clothes are the best!

No shoes though. This leaves me borrowing my mother’s, which sadly are too big.

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